I was born with a shot glass in my hand
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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