I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
