"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
