Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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