the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
