You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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