I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
