This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
