Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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