My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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