Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
