If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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