I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
