i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
