so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
