there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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