My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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