just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
PANTIES FOUND
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