he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
