She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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