I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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