I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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