Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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