I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
