So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
