there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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