shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
