I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
