And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
