You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
