I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
