I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
