ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
