God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
