I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
not ubering you a puppy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
