i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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