you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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