I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
