I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
