he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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