Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
