It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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