Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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