actually, I'm a sock model
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
