I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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