and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
as a side note pls kill me
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
