i think my tv is drunk
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
