why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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