"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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