Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
