I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
