Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
