I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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