This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
