the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
