Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
