He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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