if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
