The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
