is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
