Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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