Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
