This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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