You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
